We’ve all been through it. Ghosting. A curse that has plagued the dating world, ever since social media and texting gave us the evil option of simply not responding or, as the youth of today may put it “leaving someone on the ‘seen’”. It is a turmoil nobody should have to bare. Especially when said ghoster has most probably seen you naked and/or langered drunk. So here is it: a simple guide on how to survive these dark times and still hold onto your dignity.
What even is ghosting?
Let’s start off with a clear definition. Ghosting is the act of stopping all communication with someone you’ve been dating, aside from an odd ‘like’ or in rare cases, a ‘poke’, in hopes that the ghostee will figure out that whatever was going on is (un)officially over. As snapchatter mermaidajade put it in her itgalz podcast, it is “the beheading of the 21st Century.” Being ghosted can leave a person feeling insecure and confused. While we all may be guilty of the crime as well as victims, ghosters are rarely aware of the turmoil that can follow with their actions, or lack of action.
Social media apps have been designed to make us check our phones for a response. And check again. And check again. (Have you checked your phone since starting to read this? You’ll probably check it now, just for good measure.) So, when a person whom you were dating suddenly stops the meme-sharing, the quirky, thought-out descriptions of their day and odd sxc selfie, we start to look at other things. When were they last active? What’s their recently tagged pics? It’s a conversation easily overheard on a bus: “I know they’ve seen my message because they were active 3 hours ago. But they haven’t clicked into it. WHY HAVEN’T THEY CLICKED INTO IT?”
Hush ghosties, keep your cool. Let’s try and salvage the ounce of self-respect you have left.
STAY AWAY FROM THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA
This includes but is not limited to:
-Their Facebook page
– Their ex’s facebook page
– The ‘seshy’ looking girl with the bangin’ contour who was tagged in a photo with him at Pygmalion’s facebook page.
STAY AWAY FROM YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA
In the height of paranoia and self-doubt, now is probably not the best time to be putting up those 5 identical selfies, those minute-by-minute statuses, the unnecessary check in’s. Avoid the urge to get their attention, in the hopes of a pity like, or some form of recognition and distract yourself with bigger and better things.
NO NON-ACCIDENTAL ACCIDENTAL TEXTS
Now is not the time to DM them with a pic of someone’s arm slung around your shoulder, followed by an ‘Oops, wrong person. Hope you’re well…x’
NO PRIVATE NUMBERED PHONE CALLS
This one should be obvious. But if you’ve ever received a phone call with no number showing and no one responding when you say ‘hello’, then you’re probably ghosting someone.
MUSIC TO AVOID
- ED SHEEREN
- SAM SMITH
- ANY POP PUNK/ EMO BAND YOU LISTENED TO IN YOUR TEENS (Sorry Death Cab)
MUSIC TO LISTEN TO
- GLORIA GAYNOR
- HECK, SHANIA TWAIN
DON’T PRETEND TO BE DOING COOL THINGS WITHOUT THEM, ACTUALLY DO COOL THINGS WITHOUT THEM
Been harping on about taking that trek up to Glendalough mountains? Now’s the time to shine.
- Go out more, pick back up your hobbies that you abandoned in the height of lust, plan a friends only weekend trip away, go out on a weekday, take class A drugs, Ok maybe scrap the last one but you get the idea.
GO ON A DATE
Get that Luvguru fired up, check your old messages and put yourself out there again. Even if it’s a complete failure and your date is so boring that you feel like you’re eating newspaper when talking to them, the act itself is brave and will hopefully help you feel a little less rejected. And who know, maybe they could be better than the last one?
WHEN THEY SAY JUMP, DON’T ASK ‘HOW HIGH?’
Most ghosters come crawling back, usually in the form of a booty call but often in a dogmatic text, a ‘hey, been mad busy, how’s you?’. Keep your wits about you. Even if this was all that you had been waiting for, be aware, anyone who’s able to be so frivolous with your feelings and time is probably not worth keeping around, unless they have a hella good excuse. I.e a pet dying is just about acceptable. Plus the satisfaction of turning them down after they’ve made you feel like an utter tit is like no other.
DON’T BE BITTER
Holding onto a grudge will only make you look petty and feel worse. If you happen to see your ghoster out, try to stay civil. Give a polite nod, a half-assed wave. You don’t have to like them. But avoiding ex’s is a hard task on our Emerald Isle. So best to stay civilised.
written by: Sarah Hamilton